Mistakes
by xxDibDabxx
Summary: Bella accidently drugs up on a love potion and Merlin accidently drops himself and Arthur through time. Guess where they end up? And guess who Bella ends up falling for in her drug-induced state? Ah, the accidents will add up in the end. Crack!Fic
1. Part One

**Mistakes ~ Part One**

**A/N: This is a crack!fic idea I've been toying with for a while and just had to write. It's a HarryPotterxMerlin crossover featuring crossover pairings with a twist. Inspired by xxLewrahxx's forum, of course. Now, a few things I want to make clear. Firstly, this is before the Harry Potter series, and so, Bella and Rodolphus are only engaged and Cissy and Lucius are only dating. Don't know who got hitched first so my apologies if that is historically inaccurate of whatever. Featuring dumb!Rodolphus since he doesn't speak in the books :D Moreover, onto the Merlin side of things, in the show there are glasses and windows, but that is historically inaccurate as it was set int he middle-ages and that stuff wouldn't have been invented then, hence why I put that Arthur didn't know what that stuff was in my story. This'll be a three part fic, so keep up!**

**WARNING: This will contain slash. But no violence, graphic scenes and maybe a little bit of swearing later on. **

**Pairings: HarryPotter: Bellatrix/Rodolphus, Narcissa/Lucius, Rodolphus/Lucius (one-sided and purely crack) Merlin: Merlin/Arthur HarryPotterxMerlin: Bellatrix/Arthur**

**I think that's everything... Enjoy and don't forget to review x**

"Rod, why are we here?" Bella asked her fiancé, annoyance lacing her words. Rodolphus blinked at her, eyes glazed over in adoration as he'd previously been basking in her beauty, like he always did. Untwining his hand from hers, he opened the pouch at his hip and retrieved his pad and brightly coloured crayons. You see, the thing about Rodolphus was that he was dumb. And before you ask, yes, he was thick but that's beside the point. What I mean is Rodolphus couldn't speak. Not since that incident when he walked in on his mother and the muggle milkman, but that's a story for another day…

"_Becuz I fort you'd like the marcet Bela, luv_". He wrote in luminous orange on the pad as a reply. Rolling her eyes at the misspellings, Bella muttered under her breath,

"Yeah, right…" He'd hauled her to some celebration of some sort in the middle of Diagon Alley. Valentine's day or something. It was brimmed to the edges with people, all of them chatting and laughing to the point where Bella had a headache. Now, she was all for parties, but she liked to chose the guests, not just any mongrel from the street. Confetti poured down on her and she snapped, dragging her fiancé down the street and into the small café at the end.

Dropping down in a seat next to her sister, she greeted Cissy with a huff of irritation. The blonde tore her loved-up gaze from her current boyfriend, the Malfoy boy, and frowned at her older sister. Looking between Bellatrix and Rodolphus, she sighed. They were so broken at the moment; it was tragic. You could literally hear the light bulb flash into life as the human Barbie got a brainwave – something that didn't happen to often. She perked up, grinning to herself and shrieked in her childish voice,

"Oh, hi Bells! I go get you two a drink!" Lucius looked like someone had just killed a puppy right in front of him at the thought of parting from Cissy. She winked at him and wandered off to order two butterbeers – even if Bella would want a firewhisky – both with a dose of love-potion to spice things up.

She paid and dropped them down in front of the Rodolphus and his fiancée. Bella took once glance at the contents and turned her nose up at them while Rodolphus downed his in one. It took a moment, but suddenly his mind was blow away with a wave of white as the potion took a hold. Blinking slightly, he tried to get his mind under control only to find himself brainwashed into thinking himself in undying love with the first person he saw.

Lucius Malfoy.

Slumping forward in his seat, Rodolphus ogled the blonde haired man with pure lust, seeing lovehearts. Cissy frowned, taking time to click on what had just happened while Bella just scoffed, grabbed her drink and walked out.

………………………

"Come on, Merlin! You're so slow!" Arthur chortled, sighing as he watched his hopeless manservant trip over his own feet – again – and send all the prince's hunting gear flying effortlessly. Rolling his eyes, annoyance flowed through him, "I'll do it myself then!" he murmured, holding his hand out so Merlin could get back to his feet. God knows what would happen if he was left to do it on his own.

Merlin merely smiled idiotically as he stumbled upright. Just as Arthur rolled his eyes again, Merlin noticed something behind the obnoxious prince. Gasping, Merlin pointed at a furry creature in the tree,

"That squirrel is about to attack! Quick, Arthur! Get out the way! It's my destiny to protect you!" Grabbing the prince by the shoulder, Merlin shoved him sideways. The little grey squirrel watched idly, frozen in surprise. The magic flowed through Merlin as he created an escape for Arthur.

His eyes burned amber as a rip in the fabric of reality cracked the air in front of the, glowing a blinding white as it expanded and engulfed the two boys. The squirrel dropped the nut it was holding as it watched the boys disappear through the bright light. The portal closed behind them.

Landing with a thud, Arthur cursed and rubbed his bruised tailbone. Blinking at the suddenly blinding light, he stared up at a sapphire sky, a great blazing orb high in the sky. Funny, the sun had only just rose back in the wood. Speaking of which, where did the trees go.

Standing up, Arthur frowned at the towering buildings surrounding him. The brickwork was perfect, the same as the floor. How come it was so smooth? And there were things in the holes of the walls. They were clear and thin, like invisible doors… Wandering out from the shadows of the alley, Arthur officially had a heart attack.

There were people – hundreds of people – in cloths so bright and stitching free of flaws, it was impossible. They were carrying wooden sticks with sparks shooting out the end. Petals were falling from the sky and music like thunder was pounding from somewhere. There were more buildings, with more of those holey invisible things; only these looked like paintings as there were cloths, animals and the most bizarre possessions in them. Only…the things were moving. How was this possible?

He grimaced as the crowd enclosed around him, throwing him about and eyeing his armour with suspicion. Staring back at them, Arthur was lost for words. Some had hair is such absurd colours, it must be fake. There was ink on their faces – especially around their eyes – and some were carrying birds in cages. He couldn't tell who was male and who was female. What were those things on their eyes with the metal frames and big holes in the middle? Didn't Gaius wear some of them?

Bellatrix found herself standing outside the café, looking up at the sky and wondered what an earth she was doing with her Saturdays. She then found herself sipping from the drink in her hands, completely forgetting about the potion she knew it contained. Maybe she'd had too much sun… Her mind bleached with a blinding white and her eyes widening and her free will went out the window.

The first person she saw was some fool wandered out a crowd, looking perfectly terrified, and dressed like he'd just come from a fancy dress party with his heavy chainmail, armour and a pair of realistic looking swords on his leather belt. A look of awe passed over her face and she dropped her drink, running over to the stranger and squealing like a fangirl of some sort.

Cissy came out of the café after her sister only to see Bella brutally attack some poor fellow dressed from head to toe in metal. She groped him and kissed almost every inch of him she could reach. He screamed in shock, cowering his face and trying to battle against her. Narcissa froze, her jaw falling to the floor and shock flooding over him. What was Bella doing?

"Back! Back wench! Get off me!" Arthur cried, trying and failing to sound controlling and manly in all his princehood. He could only cover his face while she basically violated him. She grinned, staring down at his enchanting emerald eyes, framed by golden locks of hair. With a giggle, she apparated them both away, leaving all onlookers – including her sister, Malfoy and her fiancé who was trying to get a feel of Malfoy's bum – in state of shock.

…………………………

After falling to the ground from thin air without warning for a second time, Arthur decided his backside would hurt in the morning. Scrambling away from the peculiar woman who'd kidnapped him, Arthur unsheathed his sword and pointed it accusingly at her while she looked at him with deep eyes, shadowed with false lust.

"You're a witch!" Arthur accused and she giggled, pulling out her slender black wand,

"Well duh, silly!" She answered, voice getting higher and higher with every word. The prince's eyes widened, his sword shaking,

"Sorcerer!" He shrieked, looking around as if he expected to find the guards of Camelot would miraculously appear, "Sorcerer! Magic is forbidden!" She raised her eyebrow, giggling like a drunken fool,

"I love a man with a sense of humour!" She blurted out. He stared at her, eyes narrowing, causing her to cock her head to the side, "You're being serious? Sorry, honey, but what year are you from? There's a whole magical community. The magic of ministry ring any bells? No… Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but one in four people have some form of magical blood, sweetie. Now, enough chatting".

That was when she tackled him, sending his blade across the room while she planted several passionate kisses on his face. He cried in shock when she gave him a rather vicious lovebite.

**WARNING: No squirrels were harmed in the making of this story. **


	2. Part Two

**Mistakes ~ Part Two**

**A/N: Thanks to everyone that reviewed! ^^ Very much appreciated! Here be part two. Because I didn't put it in the last chapter, my apologies if you were offended by the blonde jokes. This is pure crack and not to be taken seriously. I myself are blonde-ish. Dish-water blonde still counts right? Anyway, anyone who knows where the whole 'evil be gone' thing came from gets virtual cookies :D Umm... a few *implications* of things here, if you get my drift. Nothing graphic of course, just the dialogue :D Enjoy! Don't forget to review. They're my own brand of cocaine. Ha! Take that Cullen! :D**

"Hello? Oh Lord of Dark, can you hear me?" Cissy tweeted down her mobile, too blonde to use her dark mark. Lord Voldemort sighed into his own mobile, rubbing his fingertips to his templates,

"Yes, Narcissa?"

"Bella took a love potion and fell for some random guy in armour and now we can't find her!" she whined, "We need your help!" Why did he even work with these idiots,

"Is that so?"

"Yup".

"Narcissa?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm standing behind you". Turning Cissy came face to face with the Dark Lord in all his glory. She grinned, still talking into her phone,

"Oh, hi! How long have you been there?" He growled, putting his phone away in one of the many secret pockets of his cloak and putting his hands on his hips in a mother-hen sort of way,

"Since 'Bella took a love potion', dear. Now, would you mind moving into the shadows? Everyone looking at us". Glancing around at the everyone in Diagon alley who'd froze and turned to stare at the most feared wizard of all time, Cissy shrugged.

"Sure". She smiled dumbly and skipped into the very alleyway Arthur had previously dropped into from the middle ages. Lucius trailed after his girlfriend, clinging to her while hissing at Rodolphus to stop trying to hold his hand. The engaged boy just smiled cunningly, thinking Malfoy was playing hard-to-get. Cissy frowned,

"Oh Lord of Darkness?" She whined on, causing Lord Voldemort to sigh in annoyance again,

"What?"

"Can you snap Rodolphus out of his little trance, please? He had some potion too and he's in love with Lucy!" Ears turning scarlet, Malfoy piped up for the first time,

"Nar Nar! Don't use your pet name for me in public!" She grinned,

"But, you use mine, Lucy!"

"That's different!"

"No, it isn't! If I'm Nar Nar, you're Lucy. Anyway," she drew circles on his chest with her finger, "It reminds me of all those times when it was just us two and-"

"I think that's far enough!" Lord Voldemort interrupted before things went a bit to far and he was given the details of their sex life. Turning to Rodolphus, he put his forefinger and thumbs together on each hand, making a circle.

"Do this," he instructed and Rodolphus tore his eyes from Lucius, doing as he was told and copying the Dark Lord's actions. Voldemort scowled at Rodolphus's hands and with his own hand, karate choped through the fingers and separating the hands,

"Evil, be gone!" he exclaimed. Shaking his head as control came back to him; Rodolphus blinked for a moment as the memories came rushing back, along with the blood to his face as he turned scarlet with embarrassment. Nodding with satisfactory at the situation, Lord Voldemort continued, "Right. Now that's dealt with, about Bellatrix".

…………………………………………….

Bella whipped her slender black wand in a perfect hoop and ropes materialized from no where, wrapping around his chest and throwing him backwards. He landed on the bed with a painful thump but before he could react, the ropes tied both his arms to the posts, resulting in the prince of Camelot being tied to a bed, lost for control. As his legs were also welded to the bed posts at the other end, Arthur's eyes widened in horror.

What was she going to do to him?

Grinning, she commented,

"I've always liked bondage," she tightened his bonds, "Keep's things clean". For the first time in his life, Arthur felt true fear rising in him. Jaw dropping as he gaped, he struggled to get free,

"Let me go! You can't do this! I'm a prince! My father with have you burnt at the stake when he finds out about this!" She cocked her head to the side,

"You're a prince?" She pondered out loud and he let pride bleach over the fear,

"Why, yes I am. Crowned Prince Arthur of Camelot, at your services, my lady". Always the charmer. She grinned,

"Oh, believe me, your services will indeed be needed. You stay here and…prepare," she winked, "While I go get the whipped cream". She jumped up and dashed from the room, pausing only at the door as she giggled and added, "And melted chocolate".

Arthur could only stare in horror as she left the door open. He had no idea what either of those things were, but they didn't sound good. Maybe she was going to torture him? Oh my God, he thought, somebody save me!

…………………………….

"Which direction did she go in?" Voldemort asked. Just as Cissy was about to reply, there was a deafening crack and a skinny boy in cobalt and crimson came falling out of the air and landed in a knot of limbs beside the gathering of death eaters. The blonde girl jumped into her boyfriend's arms in shock, who stumbled back under the weight. Rodolphus squealed like a mouse, the only noise he'd made in a long time while the Dark Lord jumped out his skin, shouting,

"Merlin's beard! What was that?!"

The boy jumped up, a big idiotic smile on his face as he brushed himself off and beamed at complete strangers. They could only stare at him, dumb-struck. He asked,

"Did someone say my name?"

Voldemort frowned, poking the strange boy to see if he was real before doubling back against the wall. He narrowed his eyes and asked,

"Who are you?"

Grinning wider, the boy held out his hand, half-expected someone to shake it,

"Hi! I'm Merlin". When no one even breathed, just stared at him, he dropped his hand and continued with loud gestures, "I'm looking for a prince. He's dressed in armour even though I told him it's useless for hunting, especially his swords, I mean what use are they when your hunting deer? But, he liked to be 'macho'. Anyway, as I was saying, I'm his manservant and I may have 'accidently' created a portal and dropped us through time. For some reason, he came first… Ah well". Shrugging, he smiled, waiting for a reply.

"You're Merlin? Merlin the wizard?"

"Yup," He beamed, "That's me!" The greatest warlock that ever lived looked at the evilest warlock that ever lived and it took a moment, but Voldemort suddenly broke out into hysterical squeal and smiles,

"Oh my Merlin! I've always wanted to meet you! You completely inspired me to take over the wizarding world and kill everyone! Wow! This is such an honor!" Merlin faltered, staring the Dark Lord like he was insane. Eyebrow raised, Merlin trailed on,

"Anyway… Like I was saying, have you seen him?" Voldemort clapped his hands, ignoring the way his death eaters were looking at him in pure horror and replying,

"Oh, him… Yeah, he was kidnapped by Bella. She apparated them somewhere, not sure where," he grinned, "Can I have an autograph?"

Merlin stepped away, forcing a smile.

"Um… Thanks," was all he said before dashing out of the alley and disappearing in the crowds. Scarily enough, he knew where he was going. Like he'd been there before…

Voldemort cried in disappointment, running after him,

"Merlin, wait! I'm your biggest fan! At least let me take a picture! Hey, Merlin! MERLIN! Come back here! I'm the Dark Lord and I DEMAND YOU GET YOUR SKINNY ARSE BACK HERE!"

Narcissa looked at her boyfriend from the place in his arms and burst into fits of laughter, while Lucius could only stare at the spot where Merlin was standing, with a traumatized expression and Rodolphus fainted.


	3. Part Three

**Mistakes ~ Part Three**

**A/N: Again, thanks to all those who've reviewed! *Gives all big bear hug* You rock! :D Here's the third and final chapter. You know what they say, three is the magic number :D More blonde-ism here. Ah well. Bella is kinky ;D Yayness for the return of the squirrel! And yayness for Morgana! Enjoy! Don't forget to review one final time! :D:D Ah, this was fun to write. **

Arthur struggled against the ropes around his wrists and ankles, desperate to be free so he could get away from the mentally unstable witch, only to cause himself more pain. Of course, they were magical so they could hardly be broken, but Arthur was blonde after all. Freezing at the sound of footsteps and the occasional creak from the stairs outside the door behind him, Arthur cried as panic overtook him. Someone was coming. He struggled one last time as the door opened before he winced, shutting his eyes and pleading,

"Please don't hurt me! I'm too pretty to be tortured!"

His reply, however, was an unexpected one. Laughter. He dared to crack open his eyes only to see his manservant, crippled with laughter, at the foot of the bed. Face turning a nice shade of purple as he suppressed a blush, Arthur glared. Princes _didn't_ get embarrassed.

"I never thought I hear the crowned Prince of Camelot beg! I wish I could capture that moment just so I could replay it over and over again!" Merlin chortled, wiping tears from his eyes. Arthur ignored his comments, relief flooding over him. He started to rant.

"Merlin! Thank the heaven's you're here! The witch kidnapped me and tied me up here! She's gone to get a whip of some sort and she's melting something, I think she'd going to kill me! Oh, please, help me! She wouldn't stop kissing me and she's done things to me I never want to speak of again!"

Merlin's laughter cut short and he stared at Arthur, who tried to back away from the suddenly poisonous boy. Anger drowned in Merlin's eyes and he glared at Arthur's neck with such a passion, the prince felt the need to apologise. Merlin had noticed the vast scarlet and violet blotches on Arthur's neck. The love bites.

_No body hurt Merlin's boyfriend. _

"Blondie! I got the food! Let's get kinky!" Came the shout of Bella as she rushed up the stairs. Merlin's eyes shined amber as loosened the ropes to the point where they vanished, allowing Arthur to scramble up and off the bed, rubbing his wrists and taking shelter behind Merlin. The door swung open, revealing a grinning Bellatrix with a bottle of cream in one hand and a bowl of melted chocolate in the other.

She froze and faltered, her eyes clouding over in confusion.

"Hey. Come to join the party?" she asked and Merlin scowled, his eyes burning with amber as the magic hissed,

"Arthur is my princy! I don't share! Feel my wrath!" he held out his hand and her eyes widened in horror, the bowl dropping from her grip and shattering on the floor. Just as Merlin was about to release the magic, there was the unmistakable sound of wood thumping as it hit something solid. Bella was paralyzed momentarily before her eyes rolled back in he head and she fell forward to the floor, unconscious.

"And that's for calling me Blondie!" Arthur exclaimed. He'd hit her round the back of her with the hilt of his sword. Merlin whooped and they high-fived.

……………………………….

When Rodolphus returned home from the strangest day of his life, shortly after awaking from his little black out, he walked into the bedroom to find his fiancée on the bed, like some sort of sleeping beauty. He smiled brightly, hugging her and waking her up at the same time. She blinked, groaning groggily and rubbing the back of her head,

"What happened?" She asked. Rodolphus just stared at her for a moment. He gave her a look that said 'you don't remember?' but she just groaned and swung her legs off the bed. "The last thing I remember was walking out the café after you went starry-eyes for Malfoy. And now, I've got one hell of a head ache. What did I do?"

Shaking his head, Rodolphus simply pulled out his trusty pad and a lime green crayon and wrote his reply.

"_Oh, nothing_".

She shrugged, feeling the need to eat something sweet. For some reason, she had the image of two emerald eyes running about her mind… Looking down, she paused,

"Why is there melted chocolate all over my carpet?"

…………………………

Merlin and Arthur fell to the forest floor with yet another thump at the end of a long serious of bumps and bruises. Arthur grumbled as he sat up, holding out his hand so Merlin could get up without hurting himself. The squirrel scratched its head before retreating into the tree. It was severely confused. At a glance at Merlin's still amber eyes, Arthur narrowed his own emeralds,

"You're a sorcerer!" He exclaimed and the manservant hung his head,

"Yeah, I am. But I wouldn't ever hurt you! Not like that witch! Pinky swear!" He held out his little finger and Arthur took a moment to think it through before his looks softened and he beamed,

"Pinky swear!" He repeated as they did the said action. Nodding, he finished, "Let's not speak of today again".

"Agreed".

………………………………..

As they walked back through the corridors of Camelot to Arthur's chambers, everyone oblivious to what they'd just been through, the boys glanced at each other knowingly. It was as if nothing had happened. That was until Morgana walked past them casually, looking them both up and down and smiling deviously. The boys glanced at each other again, anxious.

The thing about Morgana was she was a seer, meaning she could dream the future. And since the present was always the future at some point, Merlin knew the Lady Morgana could have seen what had happened. Arthur didn't know about her powers. Her grin widened and all she said was,

"Oh, I know".


End file.
